A man that my Grandpa knows had his wife die a few years ago. No health problems or illnesses close to her death, it was just old age. She walked in after she finished gardening and said she was going to lay down because she was feeling "funny" and out of order. He said, "Yes dear." and she left the room. Two hours after she went to lay down her husband went into their bedroom to check on where she lay sleeping on the couch. She had died in her sleep. The last thing he had said to her was "Yes dear."
We all wish that, if someone we know has to die, that our last words will be good ones. Nobody wants to be angry and in a fight with another person then have that person die. You never know if they were thinking of you as they died, and you will always wish your last words had been something different.
"You guys have to be out of the house before nine tomorrow, I have some kids coming over for lessons and a recital." She said, sitting in her comfy red chair.
Standing across the room, Rabecca smiled and said with a flipant air, "Well I'll have to get up at six then. To do my hair, makeup, get dressed-"
"And to clean the bathroom."
Frowning as she looked at her Rabecca didn't know whether her Grandmother was joking or not so she decided to go with the more pleasant idea. Laughing she said, "Right now? Why do I have to do it?" Standing as she was she imagined the small bathroom shared between the seven grandkids usually inhabiting the house. It was a filthy place but it always had been, Rabecca couldn't imagine it truly clean.
Rabecca had always been shy around adults because with most of them she felt young, inexperienced, niave, and she could never tell what the older people were feeling. Senior citizens were the most nerve wracking, their intelligence being to wide that Rabecca had no idea what could possibly be going on inside their heads. As for jokes she always waited until someone else laughed first, fearing the consequence of laughing at something that wasn't supposed to be funny.
Suddenly her face became serious and she said, "You're going to do it right now. You can help too missy." Pointing a finger at Rabecca's little sister, she stood and continued speaking, "You can use the stuff I have in my cupboard, I'll show you how." Walking away, Rabecca stared in first bewilderment then confusion.
It was ten o'clock at night and she wanted Rabecca to clean the bathroom that probably had dirt from 1997 in it? What had Rabecca done wrong? Was this a punishment? Surely it was but she couldn't think of anything that could warrant such a unfair treatment. Maybe she'd been a little too high on her self when she'd asked why she had to do it, but they'd been joking! At least... Rabecca had thought they were.
Deciding to ask her mother as the offending woman went down the hallway with cleaning supplies she tried for a smile, "I can't tell if she's joking or not."
Suddenly her head popped out from the bathroom, "Oh I'm serious! Come here girls." So they both obeyed and fit themselves inside the bathroom. "Have you ever cleaned a bathroom before?" Rabecca had but she shook her head, preoccupied with her thoughts.
"Have I hurt your feelings?" Her voice was impatient and tart as she looked up from pouring cleaning powder around the sink rim.
Lashing out like a wounded animal, Rabecca said with a wobbly voice, "It's ten o'clock at night and you're mad at me and making me clean the sink when I don't even know what I did to make you mad."
"I'm not mad."
"You're yelling at me!" More tears followed after the others, tracking down her cheeks. Rabecca felt even worse because her amazing cousin walked by and saw her crying, his face frowning. She was crying uncontrollably and the most amazing cousin who felt no pain, never seemed to become angry or sad, was seeing her. It was humiliating as well as confusing, making Rabecca cry even more.
"Oh just go to bed and I'll clean it. I'm just the tired one but you go on to bed. Good night girls." And she prodded them sharply from the bathroom, into their small ramshackle bedroom. Rabecca's little sister sat right down and started readying herself for bed but Rabecca couldn't because her cheeks were still being flooded with tears.
Suddenly angry she started tearing shirts from her suitcase and folding them, moving her hands because the only other choice she had was pretend to go to sleep.
I didn't understand and I was trying to be funny but that started an entire argument that ending in the house being shinier and me sitting in my bed thinking, "What if she died tonight? The last thing I would have said to her was 'Why do I have to clean it?" My mom suggested I run upstairs and tell her I love her but I tried to say I wouldn't mean it but that was a lie.
I quickly changed my mind and ran up the stairs and hugged her, telling her I was sorry for becoming snobby and for being angry at her. I felt so much better than I had when I hadn't said I loved her that I knew I's done the right thing.
Her hug and apology for being a little impatient with me will stick in my mind for a long time because even the wisest of people can act like an immature teenager (who does that sound like? ... give you a hint... it's the writer of this blog) and get angry at a person they love. It also helped cement the knowledge that she loves me... at times I doubt it but now I have something to look back on and say to myself... see she does love you! Never think thats she doesn't.
Irish Princess
(in my dreams)
Rabecca
